And on the eighth day, God created coffee. He tasted it and saw that it was good.
Some of the angels were jealous. God had made the heavenly brew for the earth and the dwellers thereof. The coffee was awesome, and made for a mighty temptation. One among them was chosen to ask the Lord to bestow mercy and favor on them so that they might enjoy the brew as well.
The angel, though fearing God, asked, "Are we not your loving and deserving servants? Do you not love us as well as your earthly creations?"
God smiled down upon the trembling angel and spoke, "My child of perfection, you are quaking already. I fear the coffee would cause you to shake so that the heavens themselves would fall apart!" God laughed mightily at his own jest, but took mercy on the angels and gave them coffee. And it was good.
There was in this time one angel who was not content with sharing the coffee. He would have all the java to himself. Secretly he conspired to take the arabica from God, so that He would have no more caffeine.
This angel was in an exalted position; he was the server of the holy espresso. His heart began to become as black as café noir.
The angel that would take the coffee was able to convince others to join with him. They plotted to steal the bean juice from heaven, so no other could partake of the magnificent infusion.
God knew of this plot, and His heart was heavy. He called all the angels unto Him. "My children, I love you all; even those of you that do not return the sentiment."
Now there was a great and nervous shuffling of angelic feet. God continued, "I know there is one among you who is unhappy. Please come forward."
The mighty and merciful Lord of Hosts waved the offending angel closer to Him, "I know what you have been trying to do. You covet the coffee. Caffeine has become your master."
God had compassion for the misled angel, but went on, "Have you learned nothing from the plight of your disavowed sibling Lucifer?"
The angel stood with his head bent low in shame. He was sorry, but his deeds could not be undone. He knew he should be banished to hell for his traitorous acts. He thought possibly God would create a second place, not unlike Lucifer's underworld.
God looked into the heart of the angel and saw that he did repent. "My child, though you are no longer a child of perfection I will not banish you to hell."
The Almighty took pity on the offender, "You must, however, be taught a lesson. You will live out a human life before you return here."
Turning to the rest of the divine assemblage, God declared, "This angel will no longer be known as 'Joe'. He will be sent to earth with those who would have conspired with him. They will spend their days toiling for the beans they so coveted."
The Heavenly Father turned to Joe the angel and said, "You, my repentant one, will hereafter be known as Juan Valdez."
And the whole of heaven rejoiced, for God truly is wise and merciful. Heaven has coffee and there continues to be a single hell, which does NOT have coffee.
THE END
